Walking in Blind Faith: Are you listening to the voice in your head

 If I had to name this phase of my life it would be called

Blind Faith Believing in God. 

A little deep I know. I was recently asked by a friend "what's next." I shared with her my intentions for the next phase of my life. Her response surprised me. She said 

Had you said that last year I wouldn't have believed you, but after watching you evolve over this past year I can't wait to see how it turns out.

I was like, have I really changed that much? Yes. I knew the answer but sometimes you just need to hear it. 

Last year I lost my grandparents. I often said that my grandmother was my favorite person on this earth. Her moving on sparked things in me that I never new existed. Here's a little on what they were.. 

First thing it did was spark my PERSONAL relationship with GOD. Now let me tell you. I always knew that eventually I would come around. I had a desire to serve God but also to live life the way I wanted to. I wanted to have my fun and thought it wasn't all bad I couldn't seem to find the time to be consistent in my praise. Now my want is to live a faith filled life for God is exactly that. MY DESIRE. Something shifted. Who knew. I always knew my grandmother prayed for me and have said more than once that I was living in the favor of God's promise to her. Welllllllllllll with her no longer being here I had to make a decision. You gonna begin to intercede for yourself or nah. I easily choose the first option. The choice was easier than I thought it would be. God had provided for, loved, vouched for and protected me whether it was jus them and I or I had a huge support system. How could I not choose him.  I knew it was time and I choose not to fight it.

Losing her also sparked in me the desire to TRULY live my best life while I have the chance. Now my grandparents were well in their 80s when they passed on, but they are figures I felt would always be here. Whenever I was in a jam I would call my grandmother. She was in the room when I had my son holding my hand, she prayed for me when I had my daughter ( we had moved pretty far) I even called her right before taking my paramedic exam. She was a so present in all of our lives and then she was gone. My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer in the spring of 2020 and passed away early fall. I have a photo the month before she passed, she was holding our youngest in her lap and we would have never known she was sick. I also have a photo of her months before she departed and she was unrecognizable. Life and Death can happen quickly. We are in a day and age where you could disappear into the wind without explanation and only a handful of people will look for you. It's time to go after your dreams because tomorrow is not promised. 

SO I got after it. I began going hard on the things I thought mattered then God changed it all. 

Have you ever been listening to a sermon and the preacher is like GOD SAID... Then they say something real conversation like as if God be talking to them on FaceTime. It doesn't sound like that for me. When God speaks to me it's in my own voice. It's an idea or opportunity that I've never thought of before but somehow I trust whole heartedly. Or an idea that I keep coming back to. I have been watching a lot of Mike Todd lately and he says it's crazy until it happens. 

I remember being a single mother in a one bedroom apartment raising my two sons. Barely making it. These images are so vivid in my mind but now it's like watching images of someone else's life. I have worked to bring my life 180 degrees (complete opposite) of that situation that it feels like I am lying when I say, no, that was me. If someone told 26 year old Renee that she would be in a healthy marriage, working as a sergeant in the Army, oh and a small business owner she would have laughed. SHE would have thought you were crazy because NONE OF THIS was on my radar. SHE IS ME. Somehow it all happened. 

So when I get that inkling in my heart I have learned to pray about it and listen to it. I Well it's whispering something that I am like ummmmmm okkkkkkkk side eye.

Have you ever been driving to a familiar place but choose to still use the GPS to get there. It's all good till the GPS starts taking you an unfamiliar route. You have a decision to make, trust the GPS or continue on the familiar route. I can't lie in this situation I scroll up on my map to try and see if there's something the GPS sees that I can't see. More times than not there's crazy traffic, an accident or construction that would delay my progress. The GPS is trying to help me go around the obstacle to get to my destination. God is our GPS. We can't scroll ahead in life and check out what's beyond our view so we have to learn to trust him. I've done the later many times. Said you know what: I want to be in this relationship, I want to move to this city, I want to work this job, I want to do this thing..... I survived it all. But with baggage that I probably wouldn't have had if I were patient.

I have learned to trust my track record. I have survived 100% of the things I have gone through. I survived. I survived being punched in the face by a man 3 times my size... I survived being laid off and losing my home and all the processions I had worked to have. I am still surviving the credit damage that subleasing ( the improper way due to simply not knowing) when I lost my job and home. I survived being told no one would love me because I had 2 children by 2 different men. I survived dropping out of college because I had to care for my children, alone. .. I... Also.... SURVIVED... Military training and became a service member. I survived the military board and becoming an ARMY NCO. I survived teaching my oldest to drive and my first trip out of North America. I have survived the good and the learning experiences and you can too.

What is that little voice in your heart telling you? What ideas have you been putting on the back burner How many times have you prayed for elevation but was scared to take the first step. That first step is frightening but each step after that becomes easier to take as you begin to watch your vision unfold.

I hope this shook that voice in your head and helps you begin to move in the direction of your vision. It's frightening for us all but the rewards are unmeasurable. 

Renee

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