What Dating AFTER 30 was like for me. What Changed after the age of 30

We all know this girl. The one who played  in her room and the theme of the day was her wedding. Or the one who literally dreamed and planed out their wedding as they grew up..... THAT GIRL WAS NOT ME. I must admit around 27 I was like ok... well maybe it won't happen for ya girl. Going into my 30th year I had come to terms with the fact that I would never be married and was content with the idea of having grand babies..... 

Why do we as women count ourselves out if we aren't married by 30?

I can't judge anyone for feeling that way because I felt that way too. Life had different plans for me and I had no idea.

The thought of never being married for me actually brought on a certain level of freedom. I lived my life the way I wanted to live it because I only had to please myself. Now I did some reckless stuff so don't be like me but the concept still holds. I relinquished myself from the idea that I had to live a certain way or present myself a certain way to attract a spouse. I was putting out Renee vibes and lived in a take it or leave it state. 

Then the summer of my 30 th year I finally accepted a date with Mr. James who had been in my inbox for quite a while and 4 years later we are still married with a blended family, thriving. 

So what changed for me dating after 30. Let's chat

I remained open minded. I went into countless relationships ( really countless because I refuse to count how many people I truly let into my life. I reset at 30) thinking " they are going to hurt me" " they won't be true to me" " this isn't going to work out." No, Just me. I knew the relationship would go past the first few dates but never ever ever past 2 years. That seemed to be my max. I also felt like Good Luck Chuck.  Everyone I dated seemed to find The ONE immediately after dating me. Talk about being lonely. So to remain open minded about dating was not a natural response. I am a realist though. Who would want to fall in love and marry someone who is harboring anger, self doubt and insecurities. We all have a little but wearing them on your sleeve, nah. I said ok Renee. We aren't dating right now but if presented with the right circumstance promise that you'll be open minded. I did just that and was wow'd by the outcome.

I put all my cards (skeletons) on the table early. Hi my name is Renee and I have lived my 20's in survival mode. Living in survival mode means making decisions that don't really make sense but in the moment you feel is a way to survive. Sis had some explaining to do. A Lot. I knew that anyone that I would be with needed to what they were signing up for. The conversation wasn't easy but when I realized my husband and I were getting serious I said ok, lets talk. I shared all the things that others held over my head. I shared the things that people told me no one would love me for. I share the difficult to explain things. His reaction. He shared his. I created a safe space for honesty in our relationship early. We created a clean slate with the assurance that no one could tell us anything about our partner that we didn't already know. I had never done this with anyone. 

I maintained my individuality. Maintaining my sense of self was important to me. I had so many times before altered who I was based on who I was with. This isn't something we do on purpose. The more you're around someone the more you pick up their mannerisms which could be good or bad. I had put in the work to become the best version of myself at that point of my life and I was committed to keeping her. I focused on work and truth be told I was more focused than ever before. I was completing my paramedic license and had to focus. I was dedicated to my craft ( some of my most successful videos on YouTube are from this period of my life). I stayed busy so my life didn't revolve around someone else this go round. In doing so I gained a spouse who accepted ME. AS I AM. He accepted me where I was in life which wasn't that great. I had bad credit, was hustling to advance in my career, and yes had two children by two different men. Not to add the trauma and baggage from life so far. On paper I was a hot mess but he choose to love this hot mess. 

I wasn't perfect in my 30's and sitting here at 35 I still am not perfect. I knew I wanted a life filled with happiness and knew that whoever I allowed into my life had to elevate it. I didn't know if this person would ever come around and had found peace in that. I knew that I would remain open minded and myself regardless of the journey and it has been quite a journey. 

But what do I know I'm just an ordinary girl.

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